Thursday, July 5, 2012

Revenge with Crayons

A few things you will need to know.  I am a stay-at-home mom of three kids.  Joseph is the oldest at 7, Olivia is 2.  Benny is my charming, incorrigible, precocious, middle child.  He is currently 4.  I have a wonderful husband of 10 years, Ryan, who is my encouragement and my rock.  I hope you will get to know them better as our story unfolds.

My son Benny is a noise, and a silence, that won't go away.  Every morning, as I am drifting from my sleep, I'm greeted by the banging of cabinets and a solid thump.  My first thought of the day is, "What is he into now?"  Inevitably I drag myself out of bed, shrug on my robe and edge downstairs with trepidation.
    Things I have found:  melon rinds on the television, half eaten packages of raw bacon, open milk jugs with no tops, chocolate on the carpet, apple cores behind the TV, chips on the couch, cups of water behind the DVD player; the list goes on and on.  At three, he should have known better.  At four, I know he knows better.  After months, years of these gluttonous starts to our days, I blazed into Babies R' Us in a hazy rage and triumphantly left with a fridge lock.
    After twisting my eyes to read the minute directions.  I carefully peeled and adhered, waited the required hour and latched the fridge.  Benny popped it off in 5 minutes.  I had severely underestimated my opponent.
    With a new, grittier determination I hauled him with me to Home Depot and he watched with wary eyes as I weighed lengths of chain and tested the heftiness of locks.  The chain and lock worked, and Benny cried, snuck and cajoled, to no avail.  Now was the time to be wary of his lack of noise.  When the silence hung long enough to permeate my consciousness, I knew; he'd turned to revenge.  Whenever my back was turned he would scribble on the wall, just out of my line of sight.  When I turned the corner to find his handiwork, he'd quickly point to his sister and declare, "Baby did it."
    Olivia, who could understand enough to know she was being discussed, would proudly agree.  "I do it."

    Digging the spray bottle and scrub brush out from under the sink I would silently hand it to him and point to the forbidden artwork amid his continued protests of, "Baby did it!"
    "Then why Benny, did she spell your name?"


  1. OMG, Jan, this is AWESOME!! :) You are hilarious! (And by the way, when Ben colors on the walls and it won't come off, try Goo Gone--that stuff gets crayon off faster than anything I've ever seen! But save it for you and make Benny scrub. :) Silly kid.)

    And my poor godbaby taking the blame for things! Good thing her mama knows she's a good girl!

  2. Sounds a bit like my youngest Katelyn. She is very determined and fiesty. Who knew motherhood would give us these kind of challenges. Good thing he has such a great Mom!!!

  3. Love it Jan.... I mean not that Benny is revenging with crayons but love that you ar blogging!